It is not funny to make fun of mental health but some of these I may repeat.

I told my therapist that no one understands me.- She said, "What do you mean by that?"

What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy? - Tech support.

My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem. - "Dear Diary, sorry to bother you again..."

My therapist told me I am quite self-aware. - I already knew that.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?  - None, the light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? - Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

Therapist: So your parents both blame you for the divorce. - Patient: Nah, I was just a kid. - Therapist: That wasn't a question. I see them twice a week.

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.

Client: I can't explain it. It's like I'm not sure about anything in my life. - Therapist: And how does this make you feel? - Client: I'm not sure.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Therapist: I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms? - Me: I can't say I do. - Therapist: That's one of them.

Someone's therapist knows all about you.

My therapist says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist.

Therapist: I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Don't read it. 

My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though I'll figure out what procrastination means later.

How many Clinical Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? - Only one, but there's a six-month waiting list. In the meantime, here's a leaflet on how to cope with darkness.

Therapist: If you don't want to talk about your mother, do you mind if we talk about mine?

Therapist: I think you may have a 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder.' - Client: I bet I'm the only person in the world who's got it.

Therapist: Anyways. - Patient: 'Anyways' isn't a word. You mean 'anyway.' - Therapist: Anyway, we were talking about your difficulty making friends. 

I’m seeing a therapist for my kleptomania.  I’m taking away something valuable from each session.

I saw a doctor's office that does proton therapy. - I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.

I have a friend who has hallucinations. - I told him he should talk to a therapist, but he said he is already seeing people.

Why did the electron go to therapy? - It couldn't be positive.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? - Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

What did the therapist say to the depressed dog? - "Life is ruff."

My therapist says I have a problem trusting people. - Or at least she claims she's my therapist.